Once There Was A Man Who Was VERY Attracted To A Great Woman...
At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem...
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.
Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him.
Sometimes, she would say things like, "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once, she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.
What's WRONG With This Picture?
You see, she just wasn't acting like a woman that was falling in love. She was acting like (cue the tragic music... ) just a friend.
And then the insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that, if she only knew how he FELT, she would feel the same way. So, he made a bold move:
He told her how he felt and confessed that he was in love and that he would do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said, "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...."
All Of This Only Confused The Man More
He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so, he took a big step...
He bought her a symbolic gift and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then, the unthinkable happened...
She Didn't Reply At All!
He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy and said, "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... but he never got a call back.
Over the following months the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END
Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heartwarming, huh? I know, I should keep my day job,read my books,blog a bit,play ball :D and not take up writing romance novels... Now, let's talk about this story.
This Story Is An Actual, Real-Life LEGEND
I'm not talking about a myth or a work of fiction here... I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless and incredibly familiar. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate and sound so familiar for most men?
It's because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there often in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one really fascinate me. They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to understand and solve the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding one thing:
The Huge Secret That Women Know (But 99% Of Men Don't)
This secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't attracted to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her backfire.
In other words, they not only don't work, they actually make things WORSE. The very things that a man does to try to make a woman like him, make her NOT like him. They make her run for the hills.
All those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away. It sucks, and I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens, I'll help you to avoid this painful situation in the future...
By the way, if you read that story and said to yourself, "That's happened to me," then you might want to go and soak garri and READ ON
In the meantime, let me tell you about a little something that I love opening guys' eyes about...
Introducing The "INSTANT EWWW"...
Look, I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others... So often we think that just because we want to communicate a message, that others are going to naturally understand what we're trying to say.
For example, have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself... with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow amplifies the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor?
Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don't think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"? Yeah, I have too. And here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it is going to backfire. GUARANTEED.
It's going to trigger a feeling that I like to call the "Instant Ewww"... and it's just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of attraction. Once a woman feels it, you're done. It's over. It's like hammering a railroad spike into the coffin.
Once a woman feels the "Instant Ewww," she will start behaving differently. In short, she'll disappear.
Still have doubts? Wondering where I learned the concept of the "Instant Ewww" from?
I Learned Everything I Know About This Concept From WOMEN
I have actually heard several women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was confessing his love... Of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return.
So, what causes the "Instant Ewww?" And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels?
Because if you think about it from her perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to "confess," you have created a turning point in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning. But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a negative tension that is very uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them.
In summary...
- You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her.
- Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you hurts you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll never like you.
- Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what makes sense to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.
Now, on to the GOOD news...
Two Life-Changing Solutions To These Painfully Common Problems
Solution #1: If you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back... Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter... Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a note that says, "From your secret admirer." Don't call her three times a day.
And above all... DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her!
If you want to know how she feels about you, kiss her (The Kiss Test). As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than her. Use signals from her to find out how she feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she's interested in you in a romantic way or if you are "her type," will actually destroy the chances that she'll like you. Really.
Solution #2: Don't get into this particular situation in the first place. Avoid it entirely.
One does that by creating attraction from the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of attraction triggered. One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
The Very Best Way To Learn These Skills
You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young. And you don't have to be lucky.
What you DO have to do is LEARN. It's a skill, and I honestly believe that any man can learn it if he wants to. But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error" because many of the keys to making women feel attraction aren't obvious at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation if you didn't know the secrets.
Toby Ifabiyi
