‘I don’t like the way she talks to you’, she turned back to look at who he was talking about. She smiled at the one person who had become a friend, someone she could talk to, complain to and probably cry to and turned back to him ‘what do you mean?’ she asked and he gave her that you-know-what-I-mean look.
‘In fact’ he continued ‘I don’t like the way she treats you’ and she froze knowing what he meant but smiled anyway. Their discussion went on but those two statements rung in her head like a broken alarm clock.
‘Could it be?’ she thought to herself as she walked up to her room. Could it be that obvious? Had it gotten this bad? So bent on fitting in, she had allowed herself to be run over and manipulated. Forgetting those principles she made, she had allowed herself to become ‘them’. The low self esteemed girls who allow themselves to become puppets so they can be accepted or as we said in high school ’fill among’. Allowing herself to become who she was not, everything she hated, talking their talk, walking their walk, looking just like everyone else. Had she turned into a ‘girl?’
Girl?....
Yes she was one but not the type society sees. Had she become the pretender she hated, the gossip she could never stand, the boastful slut she despised, the talkative she had often laughed at. Had she forgotten her roots and turned into just another random ‘girl’ trying desperately hard to be noticed and accepted, looking for the click to fit into. What had she become?
She entered her room and lay on her bed. ‘Today had been a good day’ she thought to herself but those words rung in her head.
She sighed....
He was right. She had changed. For the past few months she had been trying desperately to fit in. She had changed her wardrobe, her routines, what she eats and what she spends her money on. She had begun hanging out with weird people, overlooking what she would have disapproved on a normal day, always saying ‘it’s ok’. She had begun to just float, doing everything that ‘everyone’ else did. She had begun seeking attention and changed her vocabulary just to be heard. She was trying too hard to be what she was not, forgetting who she really was. She had become her enemy. She closed her eyes.
Those words......
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