FRIDAY JAN. 18 2013

My lecturer gave me an assignment once to write about myself. I laughed inside me. What sort of assignment is that? I decided to forget the note I was writing and start.....

It’s been thirty minutes and I can’t still figure out who the hell I am. Remember those jokes you read on the internet about when you’re asked to describe yourself and you begin to wonder who the hell you are. Yes this is one of those epic moments. I was stuck and like every other thing I had found myself doing, I was stuck again. My mind began to remember everything I had started and was still yet to complete. They all had potential, they were all going to bring about change, a good change but..... I always wondered what kind of person I was. I was sure there was a psychological name for me. ‘I must look that up and write about it’ I thought to myself.......

.....and yet one more idea wasted because deep down I knew I wouldn’t remember to do that. Then the sigh which I had gotten so used to making when I was about giving up on something slipped out..... ‘Patience’ I told myself

‘Who the hell am I?’ I asked myself yet again but this time trying to give it much thought. I thought of my likes and dislikes, my hobbies... and I laughed. My hobbies...yes what do I enjoy doing? First thing that came to mind was writing and I laughed again. I changed my mind and decided to ask a couple of people. They all gave me that are-you-ok? Look. I got the message by the third person. I turned back to the blank piece of paper and wrote down- I AM and paused again. Funny? - I don’t think I am, caring? - I try to be, Bold? –only if I make myself, Shy? –like almost all the time but then it could probably be an excuse I give to avoid doing things. You know how you tell a lie and stick to it and after sometime you begin to believe that lie is the truth. Then you’re not even sure if it’s the truth or not. You believe your lie because you want it to become the truth and if something ever happens you wish that lie or truth was a lie. I think I’m confusing myself. I need to work on my words. Then the sigh again. I stopped thinking for a bit and turned back to my lecturer. I heard but I wasn’t listening and then I remembered a class I had once and the statement I picked although I’m still not sure if I made it up but it went something like this ‘Hearing just proves that your ears work and you can use them while listening means it registered and stuck. If you listen whatever you are hearing registers in your brain and your brain can assimilate all that you’re hearing and with much thought can be reproduced’ I remembered concluding that hearing was important but listening made the difference.

I turned back to the sheet in front of me I AM Crazy? – maybe, Weird? – definitely, Impulsive? –depends on the situation, Forward? –to an extent, Open? – not really, Trustworthy? – I should think so considering I don’t really trust anyone. I paused again. This time remembering all the reasons why I don’t trust people and smiled, a really sad sarcastic smile. I couldn’t really think of who I was. I am so many things, some I could think of and some I was till yet to figure out. I had a long time ahead of me to really figure out who I was. I finally wrote completing my sentence.

 I AM ME.....

......Then everything I needed to write came flooding onto the paper.



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